My husband asked me last night if I wanted to be able to go out without my hair on, and it got me thinking.
I’m still completely terrified to do that. But why? I post myself on social media without hair on every day, but I can’t walk to the cafe with no wig?
I replied and explained it’s like wearing clothes for me, and I’m not planning to head down to the cafe topless either so I don’t feel the want to go without my hair.
Which is true, but I also don’t know if I could do it even if I did want to…
It’s vulnerable. It’s allowing the world to see you completely as you really are. No hiding. No control over the narrative. Yep, some people will assume I’m unwell, some will stare. It’s really not my business, but it still terrifies me.
But there is also power in vulnerability. This is me. This is who I am. I’m proud of who I am! Imagine if we just let go of worrying about what other people thought of us and just lived our lives.
It has taken years, DECADES in fact, but I finally love my bald look as much as my wig look.
Growing up, I actually avoided mirrors when I didn’t have my hair on. It was the version of myself I didn’t want to see and didn’t want anyone else to see. I didn’t want to accept her 😔
My whole life, I was CERTAIN that my hair would grow back one day and I wouldn’t have to accept and live with alopecia. I put my life on hold waiting for it. I missed out on so many things because I was waiting to do it once my hair grew back.
When I got engaged, I had to face a reality I never saw coming. That I would get married… in a wig. I couldn’t believe it. I had to grieve the adult version of myself with hair who I always assumed I would become at some point. It was harder than I thought I would be.
But it was necessary. I realised I could do things without hair. I could get married, I could grow up, I could participate in life.
I started accepting myself. And this was a long process. It wasn’t overnight that I started liking the bald woman who looked back at me in the mirror. But at least I was looking at her.
Slowly, my confidence grew. Surrounding myself with badass women who were going through the same thing and showing me how to love myself, I finally started thinking “cute” when I caught my reflection.
I didn’t even realise it was happening! But now? Omg I LOVE my bald look. It’s badass. It’s unique. It’s me.
It’s a journey. For me, I’m certainly on my way but not all the way there yet (is there a destination or is the journey ongoing?). I found so much freedom in openly sharing about my hair with anyone and putting myself out there via Lusta. It unlocked so much confidence for me after being completely consumed every day of my life by the fear that someone would “find out” - ie the absolute worst thing that could POSSIBLY happen to me. Now, I can just get on with it and I cannot tell you how much lighter I feel.
I’m not quite ready to head out without my hair yet, but I’m proud of how far I’ve come. And I bet you’ve come further than you think too - you’re doing amazing and we are so in this together. I’m proud of you, proud of us ❤️